ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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