drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize