When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize