you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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