i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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