yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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