And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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