i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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