I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just threw up on my dentist
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize