if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize