my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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