I'm really into asian looking animals
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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