i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize