Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.

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(732): So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up. http://tfl.nu/tcvy

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(337): View more from Louisiana

And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."

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(337): And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active." http://tfl.nu/o68j

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

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(781): I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin. http://tfl.nu/37ur

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(315): View more from New York

We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

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(315): We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?" http://tfl.nu/1ge9

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(410): View more from Maryland

Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up

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(410): Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up http://tfl.nu/yev0

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.

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(412): Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything. http://tfl.nu/9u4l

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(360): View more from Washington

Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

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(360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!

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(814): she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!! http://tfl.nu/3a3w

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(469): View more from Texas

I can feel my moral fiber fraying.

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(469): I can feel my moral fiber fraying. http://tfl.nu/8494

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(226): View more from Ontario

I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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(226): I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday. http://tfl.nu/cgf7

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity

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(423): Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity http://tfl.nu/dliq

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(602): View more from Arizona

He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow

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(602): He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/0y69

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x

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(+44): No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x http://tfl.nu/ydw7

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(615): View more from Tennessee

All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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(615): All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me. http://tfl.nu/gv89

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.

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(+44): Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/txm6

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