I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I die, sorry about rent.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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