I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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