my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize