She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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