Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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