I need to stop coming to work sober
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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