..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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