The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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