we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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