I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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