i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize