i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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