after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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