someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize