I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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