i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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