I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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