He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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