pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pooping to opera.
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