Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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