there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize