Whatcha textin bout Willis?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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