you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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