dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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