I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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