We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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