Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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