Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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