i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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