I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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