Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize