We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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