i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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