I wish I could punch you in the face.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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