i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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