my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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